"Kristen Stewart" has finally broken her long silence. For the first time since her well-rehearsed—er—heartfelt public apology to Robert Pattinson, the
disgraced Twilight heroine enumerated point by point what caused her to hook up with Rupert Sanders. And what's more, she recorded her hilarious—er—heart-
rending confession on video for Rob's eyes only, plus anyone else who happens to run across the video on YouTube.
Okay, okay. The confession wasn't really KStew's. It was a video parody, called Kristin Stewart Explains Cheating, done by actress Laura McDonald whose
impression of La Stewart is absolutely perfect—right down to the Snow White and the Huntsman star's speech patterns, incessant hair flipping, and other
annoyingly fidgety mannerisms. Even La Stewart would have to agree.
As you can see on the video below, which, as "KStew" explains, was posted online so that "only [RPattz] can could see it," McDonald's KStew tells Rob she
cheated on him with her "Snow White and the Thor director, Rupert Sanders, for a variety of 'really good reasons.'"
For one thing, Sanders convinced her that all great directors have sex with their stars, and since he is a great director, he naturally does the same. In
fact, "KStew" prattles, "Martin Scorz did the same thing with Goodfellas which is why they were so good."
An even better, or at least totally necessary, reason was the time she and Sanders had to have sex to save his life. A large snake somehow ran amok on the
set, and it sank its poisonous fangs into the director's "wiener." What was "KStew" supposed to do, just stand there and let him die? Of course not. She
dropped to her knees and sucked the poison out. Anyone else would have done the same.
To top it all off, "Kristen" rattles off her hysterical confessions as movers collect and take away a large pile of boxes stacked behind her. All the cartons
bear labels like, "RPattz Fan Mail, RPattz Hair Products, RPattz Hoodies, and RPattz Sunscreen."
Wonder if the real Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson will find McDonald's video funny? You can watch and enjoy it below. What do you think?
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